Monday, May 31, 2004
You know what really puts my asshairs in a twist?? People who call when it’s painfully obvious they don’t need you. Have you ever walked around in a busy mall and heard your name and turned around but it was just some random noise or someone else they were yelling for??? Well THAT’S what life’s like for me 24 bleeding 7!!
“Oh god” I show up and it’s some git that’s stepped in dogshit with his pradas.
“God almighty” I turn my head only to have the picture of some poor wife who’s caught sight of her naked husband bending over to pick up a pen
“oh god. Oh GOD OH GOD YES YES YESSSSSS” . Oh no no no no. You think I LIKE seeing this?? Fyi, for all you voyeur perverts, watching amateur porn for all eternity is one of the many punishments awaiting you.
molest me not with your insignificant triflings!!!
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“Oh god” I show up and it’s some git that’s stepped in dogshit with his pradas.
“God almighty” I turn my head only to have the picture of some poor wife who’s caught sight of her naked husband bending over to pick up a pen
“oh god. Oh GOD OH GOD YES YES YESSSSSS” . Oh no no no no. You think I LIKE seeing this?? Fyi, for all you voyeur perverts, watching amateur porn for all eternity is one of the many punishments awaiting you.
molest me not with your insignificant triflings!!!
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Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Speaking of kids manufactured in hell (they might be…I’m not telling). It got me round to thinking about abortion (don’t look at me like that, mothers consider killing their 2 yr olds at least twice a day). Since knave mentioned it on his site I thought I’d chip in my tuppence.
1. legalised abortion = eliminates the problem of the ‘black market’ abortion clinics given the price is kept low enough
2. the argument that a foetus has the POTENTIAL to become a person is bullshit. Imagine that the line below represents your life:
you cannot draw a line and conclude from that that at this point or that point, the foetus becomes a person because it’s entirely arbitrary. Therefore it is safer to conclude that the foetus already is a person at the point of conception. But this is absurd, since this would mean that sperms and eggs were already people. Wanking would be tantamount to mass murder. Therefore, the argument from potentiality = CRAP
3. for those incomprehensible logic retards who still think man’s little swimmer is still a person. The argument that it has a right to life still doesn’t work. Here’s a little story:
One day you wake up to find yourself back to back with some woman(shouldn’t have had that last tequila shot), her circulatory system is plugged into yours(oh shit). Soon after you are informed that you were kidnapped the night before and drugged. You are also informed that you are the only person in the world who has the right blood type to save her. In order for her to be cured, you have to stay like this, plugged into her circulatory system, for nine months. Not only that, you’re obliged to feed and house the bitch for the next 18 or so yrs. If you do unplug yourself from her, it would kill her instantly.
Is it MORALLY WRONG for you to say screw you, auntie, I’m outta her. And unplug yourself? I don’t think so.
Problems with this story:
- usually mothers are responsible for the conception of the baby. In the story you’re not. But it’s very applicable in rape cases. And I’ll bet miss pro-life wouldn’t allow abortion in those circumstances either. It’s also applicable where giving birth endangers the mother’s life.
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1. legalised abortion = eliminates the problem of the ‘black market’ abortion clinics given the price is kept low enough
2. the argument that a foetus has the POTENTIAL to become a person is bullshit. Imagine that the line below represents your life:
you cannot draw a line and conclude from that that at this point or that point, the foetus becomes a person because it’s entirely arbitrary. Therefore it is safer to conclude that the foetus already is a person at the point of conception. But this is absurd, since this would mean that sperms and eggs were already people. Wanking would be tantamount to mass murder. Therefore, the argument from potentiality = CRAP
3. for those incomprehensible logic retards who still think man’s little swimmer is still a person. The argument that it has a right to life still doesn’t work. Here’s a little story:
One day you wake up to find yourself back to back with some woman(shouldn’t have had that last tequila shot), her circulatory system is plugged into yours(oh shit). Soon after you are informed that you were kidnapped the night before and drugged. You are also informed that you are the only person in the world who has the right blood type to save her. In order for her to be cured, you have to stay like this, plugged into her circulatory system, for nine months. Not only that, you’re obliged to feed and house the bitch for the next 18 or so yrs. If you do unplug yourself from her, it would kill her instantly.
Is it MORALLY WRONG for you to say screw you, auntie, I’m outta her. And unplug yourself? I don’t think so.
Problems with this story:
- usually mothers are responsible for the conception of the baby. In the story you’re not. But it’s very applicable in rape cases. And I’ll bet miss pro-life wouldn’t allow abortion in those circumstances either. It’s also applicable where giving birth endangers the mother’s life.
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Thursday, May 20, 2004
Funny none of my Christian friends stood up for their God's integrity. *sniff* i'm beginning to feel like a football team with no supporters in my side of the stadium. (like Malaysia vs ManU). That or maybe their just afraid of Chris' man-eating loins.
New discussion !
children are the devil's spawn....
Matthew 18: 3
“and he[Jesus] said “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
First off, I’d like to give a little constuctiveh criticism towards my son’s ever waning showmanship. You never never begin any statement that you expect people to believe with “honestly guys, I’m really REALLY telling you the truth when I say this to you…”. People (the ones who even bother to listen after this point anyway) immediately switch to lie detector mode and are surprised to find their left eyebrows jumping up and down in incredulous disbelief at every word hence. Remember, son, you’re selling the gospel, not detergent.
Secondly, my more potent point, is… were you high on incense, son?? Have you even SEEN the way kids treat each other? Lord of the Flies ring a bell? They push each other down in the park for power trips and gang up on those they’ve decided are hierarchilly insignificant to themselves. Chanting “you’re a git and you can’t take it!!” x 20 before some adult intervenes and tut tuts the lot. I mean, hell… give them torches and pointy little white hats and you got yourselves a midget ku klux klan.
[which incidentally, if you literally did, we’d have some muchos social cleansing on our hands and wankers like Bill Gates, Saddam and the guys that thought a Malaysian car industry was a really good idea would probably never have made it to adulthood]
speaking of Mr WMD, I found a great little clip of him:
will the real hussein please stand up?
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New discussion !
children are the devil's spawn....
Matthew 18: 3
“and he[Jesus] said “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
First off, I’d like to give a little constuctiveh criticism towards my son’s ever waning showmanship. You never never begin any statement that you expect people to believe with “honestly guys, I’m really REALLY telling you the truth when I say this to you…”. People (the ones who even bother to listen after this point anyway) immediately switch to lie detector mode and are surprised to find their left eyebrows jumping up and down in incredulous disbelief at every word hence. Remember, son, you’re selling the gospel, not detergent.
Secondly, my more potent point, is… were you high on incense, son?? Have you even SEEN the way kids treat each other? Lord of the Flies ring a bell? They push each other down in the park for power trips and gang up on those they’ve decided are hierarchilly insignificant to themselves. Chanting “you’re a git and you can’t take it!!” x 20 before some adult intervenes and tut tuts the lot. I mean, hell… give them torches and pointy little white hats and you got yourselves a midget ku klux klan.
[which incidentally, if you literally did, we’d have some muchos social cleansing on our hands and wankers like Bill Gates, Saddam and the guys that thought a Malaysian car industry was a really good idea would probably never have made it to adulthood]
speaking of Mr WMD, I found a great little clip of him:
will the real hussein please stand up?|
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Knave has brought up an interesting point:
If our standards of "good" agreed with Your standards of "good", then only good things would happen on earth since you dictate all that is to happen, and there wouldn't be any real need for bibles and such.
But... since Your will does not always conform with what we believe is "good", we get all upset and stuff and start disbelieving you, which gives you a chance to go around smiting.
After all, unless I am mistaken, the entire point of creating us was to have some smiting fun, right?
The entire point of creation is to cure my boredom by giving me lots of depressingly stupid little humans to torture. It is interesting to note that this might explain:
1. why I created the universe in the first place when i knew that the majority of all existing souls were going to end up in hell.
2. allowed my own only son to die in the most horrible way conceivable.
if this were true (or if a lot of people believed that). Why do Christians still insist on the all-round goodness of God?? Where is the EVIDENCE of a good God?!?!?!
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If our standards of "good" agreed with Your standards of "good", then only good things would happen on earth since you dictate all that is to happen, and there wouldn't be any real need for bibles and such.
But... since Your will does not always conform with what we believe is "good", we get all upset and stuff and start disbelieving you, which gives you a chance to go around smiting.
After all, unless I am mistaken, the entire point of creating us was to have some smiting fun, right?
The entire point of creation is to cure my boredom by giving me lots of depressingly stupid little humans to torture. It is interesting to note that this might explain:
1. why I created the universe in the first place when i knew that the majority of all existing souls were going to end up in hell.
2. allowed my own only son to die in the most horrible way conceivable.
if this were true (or if a lot of people believed that). Why do Christians still insist on the all-round goodness of God?? Where is the EVIDENCE of a good God?!?!?!
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Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Was feeling particularly sadistic during my afternoon tea with Satan today. So I gave him a little pressie! A miniature guillotine for use with priests that have extra loving relationships with their choir boys. Ahh.. je ‘taime je ‘taime ….
Ephiphany: following up from the previous argument …
The problem with the latter conclusion is that our conception of good isn’t universal. Our idea of what ‘good’ consists in is molded by social norms, peers, various religions, sensory perception such as pain and suffering but to mention a few.
There needs to be some sort of absolute definition of good that we should all be able to prescribe to. And this definition of good may in fact be consistent with my actions to date. And if I really am God, the definition would of course be up to ME. The reasoning is viciously circular. God is good because He says He is.
*the above paragraph could be seen as a detailed extension of the phrase “God works in mysterious ways”- which is all Christians can say when bad things happen to good people.
But according to our former reasoning, my actions are not in-line with what you would normally call ‘good’ by your puny human standards. So since there is to be no answer in this life as to whether I am good or not, a more interesting thing to think about is: if I consider myself good by my own beyond-human-understanding-as-finite-dumbass-beings standards, why did I allow EVERYONE’S standards of good and evil to stray so far from my own?
*remember as you answer this that many of your standards of good and evil derive from the bible. Especially applicable to those raised in Christian homes.
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Ephiphany: following up from the previous argument …
The problem with the latter conclusion is that our conception of good isn’t universal. Our idea of what ‘good’ consists in is molded by social norms, peers, various religions, sensory perception such as pain and suffering but to mention a few.
There needs to be some sort of absolute definition of good that we should all be able to prescribe to. And this definition of good may in fact be consistent with my actions to date. And if I really am God, the definition would of course be up to ME. The reasoning is viciously circular. God is good because He says He is.
*the above paragraph could be seen as a detailed extension of the phrase “God works in mysterious ways”- which is all Christians can say when bad things happen to good people.
But according to our former reasoning, my actions are not in-line with what you would normally call ‘good’ by your puny human standards. So since there is to be no answer in this life as to whether I am good or not, a more interesting thing to think about is: if I consider myself good by my own beyond-human-understanding-as-finite-dumbass-beings standards, why did I allow EVERYONE’S standards of good and evil to stray so far from my own?
*remember as you answer this that many of your standards of good and evil derive from the bible. Especially applicable to those raised in Christian homes.
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Friday, May 14, 2004
Okay, here’s the argument about my nature. First you start by questioning your own existence. How did I get here etc etc. and then you reason that it’s probably better not to exist rather than strive for your entire life to survive only to die in a 100 years or so. (naturists and yoga-idiots that point out how pretty the grass/sky is and insist life is worth living for that alone get smited a lot) It’s a pointless and meaningless phase.
Then you figure I created you. Why? Because the bible says I loved you. But then it’s a two way relationship, I also expect you to worship and love me. And if you believe the Bible, it really just sounds like I was lonely and wanted some companionship. Fine... But then the majority of humanity is headed where? Hell. Why would you create a species only to expect more than half of them to scorch in hell? Especially if you knew this was going to happen. If I was a kind god, surely I wouldn’t have done it even if I was lonely.
So that means I’m selfish too. I wrote it down in the bible too just so you’d remember! at some point,I must have dismissed the fact that half of you were going to burn for all eternity and made you anyway. Doesn’t that make me in the least bit evil?
Then at this point people start pushing free will to choose. But then the choice is this, worship me, or go to hell. It’s like saying you have a ‘choice’ when a robber points a gun at your head and says your money or your life. What kind of a lameass choice is THAT???? Don’t really REALLY have a choice now DO YOU??
You always end up coming to one of 3 conclusions.
That I either don’t exist,
Or I exist but I’m not omnipotent.
or I exist but I’m evil.
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Then you figure I created you. Why? Because the bible says I loved you. But then it’s a two way relationship, I also expect you to worship and love me. And if you believe the Bible, it really just sounds like I was lonely and wanted some companionship. Fine... But then the majority of humanity is headed where? Hell. Why would you create a species only to expect more than half of them to scorch in hell? Especially if you knew this was going to happen. If I was a kind god, surely I wouldn’t have done it even if I was lonely.
So that means I’m selfish too. I wrote it down in the bible too just so you’d remember! at some point,I must have dismissed the fact that half of you were going to burn for all eternity and made you anyway. Doesn’t that make me in the least bit evil?
Then at this point people start pushing free will to choose. But then the choice is this, worship me, or go to hell. It’s like saying you have a ‘choice’ when a robber points a gun at your head and says your money or your life. What kind of a lameass choice is THAT???? Don’t really REALLY have a choice now DO YOU??
You always end up coming to one of 3 conclusions.
That I either don’t exist,
Or I exist but I’m not omnipotent.
or I exist but I’m evil.
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Thursday, May 13, 2004
Today I am in a good mood, so I shall solve one of life’s greatest and most puzzling mysteries. I have a confession to make… I am a…. closet kleptomaniac! I am the culprit that makes that one sock disappear when you do your laundry. I AM.
*scooby-doo laugh*
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*scooby-doo laugh*
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WHY doth thou love me... cried the scorned maiden with rocks embedded in her skull...
oh everyone loves their pets. well most people anyway. and since I'm such a gracious and kind God (because I say so myself and therefore that validates the statement.. muahaha) and like all pets, you lot need a good spanking from time to time.
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oh everyone loves their pets. well most people anyway. and since I'm such a gracious and kind God (because I say so myself and therefore that validates the statement.. muahaha) and like all pets, you lot need a good spanking from time to time.
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Now now, patience my pawns. One question at a time. Tsk tsk, I never had this problem with the israelites as they were trudging along to the promised land. Everytime (and this was rare because people were more afraid of me back then) someone would bring it up, I would’ve just used that phrase I use when I’m too lazy to answer questions: who are you to question gods ways? am I not greater blablabla. It gives me a great ego boost as a side bonus too.
i do love you unconditionally. But remember love is one of those wonderful things that have very vague and subjective definitions and everyone disagrees about what it entails. So I reserve the right to chuck you into a fiery inferno and still maintain that I love you. sweet deal for me ain’t it? And to smite you here and there everytime I feel it’s in your best interests. I’ll also change the definition of love anytime I want too. In a nutshell, I know whats best for you so don’t bitch about it if you don’t like it.
And who said you don’t have the right to end your own life? It’s not like I despatch gabriel to swoop down and catch everyone who leaps off wallstreet ( I ought to though…. And I’ll patent it “God’s interventionist skydiving”). It’s just that I throw you into hell after that. Just to punish you for thinking you know better than me when your time is up. I mean, wouldn’t you be pissed if you painstakingly made a paper mache doll that prompty jumped into the hot tub once it was finished?
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i do love you unconditionally. But remember love is one of those wonderful things that have very vague and subjective definitions and everyone disagrees about what it entails. So I reserve the right to chuck you into a fiery inferno and still maintain that I love you. sweet deal for me ain’t it? And to smite you here and there everytime I feel it’s in your best interests. I’ll also change the definition of love anytime I want too. In a nutshell, I know whats best for you so don’t bitch about it if you don’t like it.
And who said you don’t have the right to end your own life? It’s not like I despatch gabriel to swoop down and catch everyone who leaps off wallstreet ( I ought to though…. And I’ll patent it “God’s interventionist skydiving”). It’s just that I throw you into hell after that. Just to punish you for thinking you know better than me when your time is up. I mean, wouldn’t you be pissed if you painstakingly made a paper mache doll that prompty jumped into the hot tub once it was finished?
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Sunday, May 09, 2004
Got blamed today for yet another earthquake in central california. Only 3.5 on the bloody Richter scale and they’re all prostate begging for mercy. Look, little people, if I REALLY wanted to show my wrath I’d crack the world into two halves and squeeze it for organic earth juice. Capiche?
And fyi, shit is never ever holy. If it were, I’d have toilet seats instead of pews and I’d make you twits get baptised in the stuff too. So ‘holy shit’ don’t make no sense, got it?
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And fyi, shit is never ever holy. If it were, I’d have toilet seats instead of pews and I’d make you twits get baptised in the stuff too. So ‘holy shit’ don’t make no sense, got it?
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Friday, May 07, 2004
When will people realize that being an automaton isn’t such a bad thing?? Did I ever hear a vacuum cleaner or a blender bitch about its job? No. why? Because they were made to do only what they were supposed to do. However, I made humans to do a lot more than what they were supposed to do (incidentally, in case you don’t know, you were all made to kiss my almighty heiny so hop to it!). so if your primary purpose is to worship me and not much else, why did I install all those redundant functions into your system? I suppose you think it’s because I wanted to give you the choice and didn’t want to force you to.
But remember, oh dim witted copies of me, if you make the wrong choice, I’ll be stuffing pineapples up your roasting ass for the rest of eternity.
It’s true I gave you intelligent (apparently…) creatures a choice. The question is, did I give you a fair choice? Or is it just coercion in nice packaging?
think about it now.... and stop spouting free will as defining proof of my 'goodness'. If anything, my gift of free will to you is humanity's biggest curse.
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But remember, oh dim witted copies of me, if you make the wrong choice, I’ll be stuffing pineapples up your roasting ass for the rest of eternity.
It’s true I gave you intelligent (apparently…) creatures a choice. The question is, did I give you a fair choice? Or is it just coercion in nice packaging?
think about it now.... and stop spouting free will as defining proof of my 'goodness'. If anything, my gift of free will to you is humanity's biggest curse.
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Thursday, May 06, 2004
Why do my ‘followers’ (present company included...yes you, miss Chua) make such a big deal out of free will??? I mean, it’s not like that Krishna dude or Buddha aka. Tondi-man didn’t give their followers free will. And if you think about it, free will ain’t such a hot deal anyway. If I had made all of you my own personal worshipping robots with no choice whatsoever, then all of you would’ve had a free ticket into heaven. But Lord (yea me) knows I don’t want that!! If THAT happened I’d have to ask Moses to part the crowd everyday at the local Starbucks up here just to get my doubleshot classic.
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but, i was infinitely (seriously, i'm the only one capable of infinite emotion) pleased when i saw so many people visit my blog. and i thought to give them a little treat I'd upload a photo of myself. But 15 minutes after that I got the blogger staff on my ass threatening to shut me down because visitors to my blog were dropping like flies. i forgot that you DIE after looking at the face of God. So I stood behind a rock this time and got gabriel to snap another photo. tadaaa...
and no, I didn't use the flash... i'm just glowy like that...
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and no, I didn't use the flash... i'm just glowy like that...
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Wednesday, May 05, 2004
I can't say i woke up today because I only sleep on Sundays. Its such a bitch having only one day of rest. I should have just forgotten about creating those dodo birds and dinosaurs and gotten TWO days rest after making the world. Stupid animals didn't even have enough brains to survive the ice age.
Jesus is asking me to fill in the holes in His hands again. Says the water keeps getting through everytime He brushes his teeth. Why can't that boy understand that that's His trademark??? it's where His MOJO comes from! How the heck are all the doubting Thomases out there going to know its Him when i finally get sick of the world and decide to squish it? The boy has no sense of showmanship whatsoever.
Ah well... back to work. More people to smite and even less people to let into heaven. And it's a good thing too, the queue outside the local Starbucks in heaven has been a killer ever since that mini revival in China. Whole bleeding world is getting in.
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Jesus is asking me to fill in the holes in His hands again. Says the water keeps getting through everytime He brushes his teeth. Why can't that boy understand that that's His trademark??? it's where His MOJO comes from! How the heck are all the doubting Thomases out there going to know its Him when i finally get sick of the world and decide to squish it? The boy has no sense of showmanship whatsoever.
Ah well... back to work. More people to smite and even less people to let into heaven. And it's a good thing too, the queue outside the local Starbucks in heaven has been a killer ever since that mini revival in China. Whole bleeding world is getting in.
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