God's Blog

Now i know a lot of you down there are sick and tired of hearing me bang on about how I’m such a great god because I sacrificed my son on the cross for you. blablabla… it’s like a disgruntled postal worker bitching about how he has to sacrifice his balls to your rottweiler everyday when he delivers the mail.

so what about a NEW john 3:16? I've come up with some groovy (yes i am that old)suggestions:

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE...
1. invented the stapler
2. made singapore small
3. designed phallic shaped objects everywhere. i.e. cucumbers, petronas towers, sammy vellu's head...
4. tripped castro fidel
5. extracts the weirdest confessions from humans mid-coitus

...SO THAT WE MAY NOT PERISH IN SEEMINGLY EVERLASTING BOREDOM, BUT ALL HAVE A LAUGH AND APPRECIATE THIS WONDERFUL WORLD HE MADE FOR US INSTEAD OF ALWAYS PINING FOR LIFE ETERNAL IN HEAVEN


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with all the crap going on down there on earth, it's getting harder and harder to think of new ways to torture all the souls pouring into hell. especially with the proliferation of s&m, all that poking people with pitchforks with a fire and brimstone decor just doesn't scare people anymore.

it's hard being Me.


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alright alright... you can all relax now. there's no such place as hell. I just send all the naughty boys and girls to singapore and reincarnate them as dung beetles. i can't really think of anything worse than rolling balls of shit all day in singapore.

which brings me to a little conundrum. if i can't think of anything else than rolling shit balls in singapore, then it means i'm not omnipotent. if i'm not omnipotent, then i'm not god. if i'm not god, then i'm just a person who doesn't like singapore.

oh wait, that means i've resolved the conundrum. oh thank god, i'm god again. but if i'm god.... can i still be a someone who doesn't like singapore?


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i can finally get blogging again now that those damn WMDs have made it through my digestion system, resulting in a smelly turd i placed in the farthest uninhabitable reaches of planet earth( somewhere in belgium). And unlike belgium, my intestines have now become a very exciting and liveable place for tapeworms once again.



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i'm having the slightest bit of indigestion after my mid-afternoon tea with Satan.

must have been those generous helpings of jelly doughnuts laced with WMD. apparently saddam was trying to smuggle quite a load pass hades' customs.

christians, thank your god tonight for anal probing!


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First Bush gets re-elected.

And then yasser arafat promptly bites the dust.

Is there a connection? Is this another one of my greater plans in the making?
no no, dear friends. It's all a coincidence. Like how the bomb raids in iraq all form a perfect 'have a nice day' smiley face.


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i was just watching the endless parade of political programmes on tv and came across a vote by Jerry Falwell claiming that I WAS THE ONE THAT SENT AMERICA George W. Bush.

you can blame me for the earthquakes in california, you can blame me for the sock that goes missing in the laundry and you can even blame me for N-Sync's musical career. but i'll be damned if humanity is going to pin this one on me.

p.s. if i was ever going to be responsible for a twat like bush, i'd have sent him along with all the other plagues of Egypt
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